"I hate confrontation"

This is something I have heard others say and have even said myself.  Don’t you hate the knot you get in your stomach and the cold sweat that runs down your forehead when you are in the middle of confrontation?  But it is interesting that God’s word says that if we truly love someone we will be willing to endure the stress and sweaty palms associated with confrontation. We have this messed up view in the church that Christianity is all about “getting along.”  We tend to think that a truly healthy Godly church never fights about anything and agrees on everything.  Well what I was reading in God’s word today leads me to believe that we have missed something.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13                                                                             

But I am saying that you shouldn't act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christian is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can't just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers?

I need to wrestle with this one.  Just recently I had two different opportunities to live out what these verses are talking about. A young man tells me that he wants God’s best for his life but also tells me that he is having sex with his girlfriend.  A couple about to get married tell me that they are committed followers of Christ but are living together, and I watch them get drunk at their wedding. In both of these instances I chose not to confront.

My hang up is that I don’t want to be “that guy.”  You know the guy that beats people over the head with a Bible.  The guy who has the “sword of truth” thing down to a science, but has no talent at the “grace and truth” tension.  So I tend to say nothing.  But what I just read says I have “responsibility for those within our community of believers.” 

I look again to the example of Jesus.  God’s word says he embodies “grace and truth.”  It is interesting that to outsiders (think tax collectors and prostitutes) you see him emphasizing grace, but with insiders (think Pharisees and disciples) you see him emphasizing truth. 

Isn’t it interesting that for so long the church has gotten this one backwards?  We tend to emphasize truth with outsiders, (“repent or you’re going to hell”) and we emphasize grace with insiders, (“none of us are perfect.) 

So how do we get back to a more accurate reflection of what God intended for the church?  I think it comes from how we view the church.  If the church is just a random group of people that meet together once a week, then it makes perfect sense why we wouldn’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions.  But if we truly view the church as a family, then we might be more inclined to take this responsibility seriously.  I have no problem taking responsibility for my family, but I do have a problem taking responsibility for a stranger. 

God’s word tells us that it should bother us deeply when we see or hear of another believer breaking God’s law. It should bother us to the point that we take the responsibility of confronting that believer with “loving integrity.” (See yesterday’s blog for a further discussion on this term.)

Honestly, I don’t like this part.  I wish I could just leave you alone when you sin, but God says he wants me to care for you more than that.

I guess it comes down to how we view sin.  If we truly believe what the Bible says that sin brings death, then we might be more inclined to take the risk of confrontation.  But if we tend to believe the world’s take on sin, that it actually is a lot of harmless fun as long as you don’t get caught, then why risk confrontation?