I'm Falling Apart!

Last night I was reading a bed time story to my daughter about a village of puzzle people called the Fuddles.  “Whenever a stranger comes near them they have a habit of falling apart and scattering themselves around.”  

Have you ever felt like this, that whenever life gets difficult you fall to pieces?

     When I was in college I was definitely a Fuddle.  On the outside, I seemed like I had it all together.  I got straight A’s.  I studied all the time.  I didn’t skip class.  I even kept my dorm room clean! 

     But on the inside, I was plagued by the fear of failure.  About every other day, I would get completely overwhelmed with the pressure of school work and would privately fall apart.  I was dating my wife-to-be at the time and she counseled me through many of these “falling apart” times.    

     Now back to our fairy tale, once they fell apart the Fuddles were helpless and completely dependent on other people to put them back together again.  God uses other people to help put us back together again, but their help can only take us so far.  For the ultimate restoration we have to allow our Creator to put us back together again. 

     Listen to how the Apostle Paul describes the process in a letter to one of his students in Titus 3: “It wasn’t so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back.  But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that.  It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it.  He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside an out by the Holy Spirit.  Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously.  God’s gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives.  And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.” (The Message)

     If you have never experienced what was just described in this passage, I implore you to have a conversation with God immediately about allowing him to put your life back together again. 

     Maybe you once experienced this new life, but have since walked away from relationship with God.  Maybe you are like I was in college.  The stress of life constantly makes you fall apart. 

     I have come a long way in my relationship with God since then.  I am able to trust Him more than I ever have before.  With that trust comes a peace and confidence that holds me together in stressful times. 

     You don’t have to live life like a Fuddle, consumed with a habit of falling apart.  God can and will restore your broken pieces if you surrender to him.  

Foot Note: The story I am referring to is called “The Emerald City of Oz.”  It is written by Frank Baum (the writer of The Wizard of Oz.)    

Being a Parent Is Such a Pain!

I thought I was watching my wife die! I had never seen any human being in such pain!  It had gone on for hours, but then we heard the words that somehow made the pain seem worth it, “It’s a boy!”

That was over 13 years ago, and for some crazy reason we decided to endure that same pain again and again by having two more children.  

I wish I could tell you that after leaving the hospital that the pain goes away, but it doesn’t.  The pain just changes to sleepless nights, diaper changes, and late-night feedings.  When they can walk, the pain changes to constantly chasing a toddler around.  You have to make sure they don’t stick something in an electrical socket, run into sharp furniture or drink out of the toilet!

When they start school the pain changes to HOMEWORK!  I really believe that parents are the most tragic victim of this teacher inflicted torture device!  My third grade daughter is crying because she doesn’t understand how to do her math.  I, her 39 year old father, am also crying because I can’t figure out how to do basic addition and subtraction is this new-fangled 23 step method known as “Common Core!”

Without a doubt, the most painful part of any day, is getting them ready for school!  I feel like getting three kids ready for school as about as easy as achieving a peace agreement in the Middle East!  Parents deserve a Medal of Honor each day that they succeed in this arduous task!

As I shared at the beginning, there was something miraculous about holding each one of our newborn babies.  The pain didn’t matter anymore!  Every time my wife held one of our babies she would always say, “Can’t we have just one more?”

Whenever I would come home from work and my son would run into my arms screaming “Daddy’s home,” the pain of raising toddlers didn’t matter anymore. Whenever one of my daughters would look up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and say “I love you Daddy,” the pain didn’t matter anymore!        

I remember being a teenager and having arguments with my dad.  He would often make the statement “Son, when you have kids of your own, you will understand.”  As a teenager I thought that was such a dumb statement, but he was totally right.  I now understand what a struggle it is to be a parent!  

I encourage every parent reading this that THE PAIN IS WORTH IT!

Your children are worth every sacrifice that you have ever made or will make for them!

Psalm 127:3 says “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.”

Sometimes in the midst of the pain it is easy to forget this! 

I am a Hypocrite!

     In my house I constantly hear one child say to the other, “Who are you to tell me that I shouldn’t do this, when you do that same thing all the time?”

     I hear the same childish rhetoric regarding Kentucky clerk Kim Davis for not issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples.  “She obviously doesn’t care about marriage since she has been married four times!”  “She should just shut her mouth and quit her job!”  Didn’t Jesus say “He who is without sin, cast the first stone?”  Didn’t he also say “Take the log out of your own eye before removing the speck out of someone else’s eye?” 

     How many times Kim Davis has been married is irrelevant to whether or not she should be forced to endorse same-sex marriages.  Ironically, her divorces happened before she became a Christian which make the “hypocrite” attack irrelevant as well. 

The deeper issue is “Where does moral authority come from?”

How do we ever have the moral authority to say anything is wrong, 

if we have to be sinless first?  

I have lied before.  Does that make me a hypocrite for saying that lying is wrong?  

I have stolen before.  Does that disqualify me from saying that stealing is wrong?

Christians are giving into moral relativism if we think that our own 

spotless moral performance is what qualifies us to communicate moral standards! 

Moral standards exist independently of anyone's failure or ability to meet them.

If sinless perfection is the standard to be able to declare a behavior right or wrong than Jesus is the only human being who has ever lived who is able to speak authoritatively. 

I think we just discovered the answer to our question.  

Moral authority comes from God’s perfect moral character.  

Morality must be based upon something independent of humanity 

or it is just my opinion against yours. 

Unfortunately, that is what our society has been reduced to.  

We think that one opinion about morality is just as valid as any other. 

What did Jesus mean when he said, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone?”  You may be familiar with the story.  Religious leaders catch a woman in adultery and ask Jesus if she should be stoned.  There is no debate here about whether adultery is right or wrong, but what her punishment should be. 

When Jesus said “Take the log out of your own eye, before removing the speck out of your brother’s eye” he was talking about being judgmental of other believers.

I have no idea what Kim Davis’ motivation is for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples.  The religious right thinks she is a hero and the liberal left think that she is the devil.  I don’t think that she is either.  I think that she simply didn’t want her name on marriage licenses issued to same sex couples, and had the courage to stand up for what she knew was right. 

So if moral authority really does come from God, 

my moral opinion or even my failure to uphold His moral laws doesn’t change anything!  

We are quickly becoming a society where we want to make up our own morality.  We are sick of Christians reminding us of pesky things like God’s moral law.  We wish they would just shut up and stop “imposing their beliefs on everyone else.” 

The problem is that if we are to really take the words of Jesus seriously, he also stated that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman.  But I guess he was a “hypocrite” for saying so since he never got married!         

God Damn Pornography!

     I could take you back to the place where I was standing, when at 13 years old I saw my first pornographic image.  It was a playboy calendar my brother and I innocently found in a stack of discarded magazines.  In that moment, I felt like there was no turning back!

     My best “friend” at the time was also with us and we came up with a scheme on how we could get ourselves into a more private situation to peruse this calendar.  We then went to his house and gawked lustfully at each page for hours on end.  It was at this point that I began to feel extreme guilt over our newly acquired “treasure!” 

     I shared with my friend my sudden reservations about continuing to lust over these pages.  I just knew down deep inside that what we were doing was very wrong!  He blew off my conscience-stricken objections, and we went right back to what we were doing. 

     After I left his house, I vowed that I would never do that again!  I asked God for forgiveness and the strength to resist temptation in the future.  Months later my opportunity came when I returned to this friend’s house and he wanted to pull out the calendar and pick up where we left off.  I felt this courage rise up within me and I resolutely stated “I don’t do that anymore!” 

     I really felt like I was free!  I wish that I could say that was the end of my story, but it was only the beginning of a lifelong battle of temptation.  I have gone through a lot of ups and downs.  I am proud of the times when I have said “no” to temptation and ashamed of every time I have given in!

     I share this part of my story with you because I recently interacted with a young man who is struggling with the addiction of pornography.  He wants so desperately to be free, but feels like God could never forgive him for what he has done!  This young man’s story represents numerous young men that I have had the opportunity of counseling over the years. 

Pornography is the dirty secret that very few people in the church want to talk about!

It isn’t something that good clean Christians are supposed to struggle with!  

But we must talk about it!

Statistics tell us that porn is becoming more and more prevalent!  Nearly Two-Thirds of Christian men view pornography monthly! The average age of first exposure to pornography is 8 years old!

TWO REASONS THAT PORNOGRAPHY IS MORE PREVALENT THAN EVER BEFORE:

1.      Accessibility

Because of smart phones, you no longer have to sneak down to a sleazy adult magazine store to purchase pornography.  It is right in the palm of your hand.

2.      Anonymity 

You no longer have to be concerned about your parents, or spouse finding your stash of magazines.  The images on your electronic devices are gone at the click of a button.

I beg parents to have critical conversations with your kids about pornography! 

Do not assume that your kid doesn’t struggle with this issue!  

     I encourage father’s to go through the book “Preparing Your Son For Every Man’s Battle” with your son’s.  This is a phenomenal resource to empower you to have difficult conversations with your kids.  Give them permission to talk to you about this difficult subject.

     I made my son a promise that if he ever struggled with pornography and shared that with me that I would not get angry with him and that he would not be in trouble.  I have shared with him my own struggles as a teenager and have told him that I would do whatever it takes to help him.

     The longer I have engaged in this battle with pornography the more freedom God has brought into my life!

TWO KEYS TO FREEDOM FROM THE ADDICTION OF PORNOGRAPHY

1.      Authenticity

Being honest with yourself and God is the first step to freedom!

     One night many years ago, after I had looked at pornography I was talking to God.  I felt horrible and I was sick of the cycle I was going through.  I had this incredible revelation: “Pornography is not what I really want!”  In the moment, I think it is what I want, but it isn’t.  This has been critical to bringing freedom in my life.  Whenever I am tempted, I say to myself over and over again, “This is NOT what I really want!”

     I also have to admit when I am the most vulnerable to temptation.  I am weakest when I am tired, lonely, or feel far from God.  It is in these moments that I have to be more proactive at key #2

2.      Accountability 

We win life’s battles together!

     It was crucial for me that my wife knew about my struggle with pornography even before we got married.  Confessing that to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I knew it was critical to the success of our marriage.  If you struggle with pornography, don't struggle alone!  

     I have also pursued strategic relationships with other men that hold me accountable.  I have given them permission to ask me hard questions about maintaining sexual purity in my life. 

Pornography is a cheap counterfeit to fulfill our desire for intimacy!

     What we as human beings really long for is intimacy with another person.  When we struggle with finding this intimacy we try to fulfill that desire with images on a screen.  These images never satisfy us!  We always need more!  Lust is never satisfied!  It isn’t what we really want!

By God’s Grace, today I am able to say without hesitation that 

“I AM FREE FROM PORNOGRAPHY!”   

It has been a long journey and staying free is just as much as a battle as getting free. 

     If you struggle with pornography, I want you to know that you are not alone. Listen to what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has come upon you except that which is common to man.  And God is faithful he will provide you with a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 

The title to this blog isn’t sarcastic.  Because I have experienced the damage that pornography brings, I truly want God to damn pornography in my life.  I want that for your life as well!

Here are a list of resources to help you: 

Preparing Your Son For Every Mans Battle

Every Young Mans Battle

Every Mans Battle

 www.xxxchurch.com

Marriage Is Suicide!

I stood there at the altar dressed in my all white tuxedo with tails.  Next to the woman of my dreams, I said things like “For Better or Worse,” “For Richer or Poorer,” “Till Death do us Part!”  I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I didn’t realize that it would result in my death! 

Don’t get me wrong I did marry an amazing woman.  Each day she wakes up before dawn and serves her family in incredible ways.  She cooks, cleans, gets kids ready for school, and on top of an endless list of duties she somehow can work a full-time job as well.  I clearly got the better end of this deal!

For most of the day, I am tempted to think that she doesn’t even need me.  She could do this without me.  Well that is until the end of the day.  Around 9 o’clock, my incredibly amazing, almost super-human wife begins to run out of gas!  This is the point where she clearly needs me!

She begins to fire requests at me in rapid succession.  “Could you please put the kids to bed?”  “Could you massage my shoulders?”  “Could you get me something to eat?”  This continues until she falls asleep.  I wish I could tell you that I always respond with a smile on my face and eager servitude, but I don’t.     

I often grumble and complain, because I am only thinking about myself.  I want to read my book!  I want to go to sleep! I have to get up early! Blah, Blah, Blah! 

Last night I actually refrained from this selfishness, bit my tongue and served my wife.  At each request I thought to myself, “It’s time to die!”  “It’s time to die to what I want and think of someone else!” 

I realize that this may seem a bit dramatic, but it is how my brain works.  I thought of the words of Jesus “Anyone who wants to follow me must deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me!”

Unfortunately, I think that this teaching of Jesus has gotten lost in the modern church's obsession with God’s blessings.  God definitely wants to bless you, but often his greatest blessings come when we die! 

When we die to selfishness, when we die to old patterns of living, that is when we truly begin to live! 

The day before I got married my Dad gave me the greatest advice.  He said that most people view marriage as 50/50.  I give 50%.  You give 50% and we meet in the middle at 100%.  My dad said that God’s idea of marriage is 100/100.  I give 100% of myself to you and you give 100% of yourself to me. 

This is where the rest of Jesus' statement comes in.  He gives us this paradox, "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it."

I have realized that Marriage is Suicide!  To really have a great marriage I have to die!  I have to die to my own selfishness, but whenever I do I am resurrected to a new life that only God can give!