God Damn Pornography!

     I could take you back to the place where I was standing, when at 13 years old I saw my first pornographic image.  It was a playboy calendar my brother and I innocently found in a stack of discarded magazines.  In that moment, I felt like there was no turning back!

     My best “friend” at the time was also with us and we came up with a scheme on how we could get ourselves into a more private situation to peruse this calendar.  We then went to his house and gawked lustfully at each page for hours on end.  It was at this point that I began to feel extreme guilt over our newly acquired “treasure!” 

     I shared with my friend my sudden reservations about continuing to lust over these pages.  I just knew down deep inside that what we were doing was very wrong!  He blew off my conscience-stricken objections, and we went right back to what we were doing. 

     After I left his house, I vowed that I would never do that again!  I asked God for forgiveness and the strength to resist temptation in the future.  Months later my opportunity came when I returned to this friend’s house and he wanted to pull out the calendar and pick up where we left off.  I felt this courage rise up within me and I resolutely stated “I don’t do that anymore!” 

     I really felt like I was free!  I wish that I could say that was the end of my story, but it was only the beginning of a lifelong battle of temptation.  I have gone through a lot of ups and downs.  I am proud of the times when I have said “no” to temptation and ashamed of every time I have given in!

     I share this part of my story with you because I recently interacted with a young man who is struggling with the addiction of pornography.  He wants so desperately to be free, but feels like God could never forgive him for what he has done!  This young man’s story represents numerous young men that I have had the opportunity of counseling over the years. 

Pornography is the dirty secret that very few people in the church want to talk about!

It isn’t something that good clean Christians are supposed to struggle with!  

But we must talk about it!

Statistics tell us that porn is becoming more and more prevalent!  Nearly Two-Thirds of Christian men view pornography monthly! The average age of first exposure to pornography is 8 years old!

TWO REASONS THAT PORNOGRAPHY IS MORE PREVALENT THAN EVER BEFORE:

1.      Accessibility

Because of smart phones, you no longer have to sneak down to a sleazy adult magazine store to purchase pornography.  It is right in the palm of your hand.

2.      Anonymity 

You no longer have to be concerned about your parents, or spouse finding your stash of magazines.  The images on your electronic devices are gone at the click of a button.

I beg parents to have critical conversations with your kids about pornography! 

Do not assume that your kid doesn’t struggle with this issue!  

     I encourage father’s to go through the book “Preparing Your Son For Every Man’s Battle” with your son’s.  This is a phenomenal resource to empower you to have difficult conversations with your kids.  Give them permission to talk to you about this difficult subject.

     I made my son a promise that if he ever struggled with pornography and shared that with me that I would not get angry with him and that he would not be in trouble.  I have shared with him my own struggles as a teenager and have told him that I would do whatever it takes to help him.

     The longer I have engaged in this battle with pornography the more freedom God has brought into my life!

TWO KEYS TO FREEDOM FROM THE ADDICTION OF PORNOGRAPHY

1.      Authenticity

Being honest with yourself and God is the first step to freedom!

     One night many years ago, after I had looked at pornography I was talking to God.  I felt horrible and I was sick of the cycle I was going through.  I had this incredible revelation: “Pornography is not what I really want!”  In the moment, I think it is what I want, but it isn’t.  This has been critical to bringing freedom in my life.  Whenever I am tempted, I say to myself over and over again, “This is NOT what I really want!”

     I also have to admit when I am the most vulnerable to temptation.  I am weakest when I am tired, lonely, or feel far from God.  It is in these moments that I have to be more proactive at key #2

2.      Accountability 

We win life’s battles together!

     It was crucial for me that my wife knew about my struggle with pornography even before we got married.  Confessing that to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I knew it was critical to the success of our marriage.  If you struggle with pornography, don't struggle alone!  

     I have also pursued strategic relationships with other men that hold me accountable.  I have given them permission to ask me hard questions about maintaining sexual purity in my life. 

Pornography is a cheap counterfeit to fulfill our desire for intimacy!

     What we as human beings really long for is intimacy with another person.  When we struggle with finding this intimacy we try to fulfill that desire with images on a screen.  These images never satisfy us!  We always need more!  Lust is never satisfied!  It isn’t what we really want!

By God’s Grace, today I am able to say without hesitation that 

“I AM FREE FROM PORNOGRAPHY!”   

It has been a long journey and staying free is just as much as a battle as getting free. 

     If you struggle with pornography, I want you to know that you are not alone. Listen to what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has come upon you except that which is common to man.  And God is faithful he will provide you with a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 

The title to this blog isn’t sarcastic.  Because I have experienced the damage that pornography brings, I truly want God to damn pornography in my life.  I want that for your life as well!

Here are a list of resources to help you: 

Preparing Your Son For Every Mans Battle

Every Young Mans Battle

Every Mans Battle

 www.xxxchurch.com

Marriage Is Suicide!

I stood there at the altar dressed in my all white tuxedo with tails.  Next to the woman of my dreams, I said things like “For Better or Worse,” “For Richer or Poorer,” “Till Death do us Part!”  I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I didn’t realize that it would result in my death! 

Don’t get me wrong I did marry an amazing woman.  Each day she wakes up before dawn and serves her family in incredible ways.  She cooks, cleans, gets kids ready for school, and on top of an endless list of duties she somehow can work a full-time job as well.  I clearly got the better end of this deal!

For most of the day, I am tempted to think that she doesn’t even need me.  She could do this without me.  Well that is until the end of the day.  Around 9 o’clock, my incredibly amazing, almost super-human wife begins to run out of gas!  This is the point where she clearly needs me!

She begins to fire requests at me in rapid succession.  “Could you please put the kids to bed?”  “Could you massage my shoulders?”  “Could you get me something to eat?”  This continues until she falls asleep.  I wish I could tell you that I always respond with a smile on my face and eager servitude, but I don’t.     

I often grumble and complain, because I am only thinking about myself.  I want to read my book!  I want to go to sleep! I have to get up early! Blah, Blah, Blah! 

Last night I actually refrained from this selfishness, bit my tongue and served my wife.  At each request I thought to myself, “It’s time to die!”  “It’s time to die to what I want and think of someone else!” 

I realize that this may seem a bit dramatic, but it is how my brain works.  I thought of the words of Jesus “Anyone who wants to follow me must deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me!”

Unfortunately, I think that this teaching of Jesus has gotten lost in the modern church's obsession with God’s blessings.  God definitely wants to bless you, but often his greatest blessings come when we die! 

When we die to selfishness, when we die to old patterns of living, that is when we truly begin to live! 

The day before I got married my Dad gave me the greatest advice.  He said that most people view marriage as 50/50.  I give 50%.  You give 50% and we meet in the middle at 100%.  My dad said that God’s idea of marriage is 100/100.  I give 100% of myself to you and you give 100% of yourself to me. 

This is where the rest of Jesus' statement comes in.  He gives us this paradox, "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it."

I have realized that Marriage is Suicide!  To really have a great marriage I have to die!  I have to die to my own selfishness, but whenever I do I am resurrected to a new life that only God can give!  

Do You Mind If I Stomp On The American Flag?”

     It seems that for years now the most controversial act of “Free speech” has been to desecrate the American flag by burning it or walking on it.  The most recent trend is to take your picture standing on it and spread it on social media.  Unfortunately, I believe that I am guilty of something much worse!  

     I understand why people get so angry, even violent when they see pictures of someone desecrating the American Flag.  My Grandfather was a medic in WWII, and saw first-hand the cost of the freedom that flag represents. 

     When I say that I am guilty of something much worse, I am not referring to the American Flag, but to something that is even more precious to me than my Country.  I am talking about my God.   

     Whenever I write about or preach about the amazing grace God has for us I will inevitably get a comment from someone to affect that “We don’t want to slip into Hyper, Cheap, Easy, or Greasy Grace!”

     I trust that their statements are made out of concern that people are going to use the Grace of God as an excuse to sin.  I understand this concern and it isn’t anything new.  Paul had to address this problem 2,000 years ago when he wrote, “Shall we continue to sin so that Grace may abound? God Forbid!” 

     With that said, I think that we cheapen the grace of God whenever we leave any hint in people’s minds that they have to in any way earn, deserve, or maintain the grace of God.  Biblical grace is defined as “Unmerited Favor.”  Unmerited means it ISN’T deserved.  It is a GIFT.  If we do anything to earn something it is no longer a gift.

     Let’s talk about the term “Cheap Grace.”  Grace is way better than Cheap! It is totally and completely FREE!  It costs us nothing!  All we have do to is receive it by Faith. 

     On the flip side of that coin, Grace definitely isn’t CHEAP, because it cost Jesus EVERYTHING!  He died an excruciating death to pay the debt that we owed for our sin! 

     

     Grace is not an idea or a theological concept!  Grace is a Person! Jesus Christ! 

     Paul tells us in Hebrews Chapter 10 that when we use God’s grace as an excuse to sin we “have trampled on the Son of God!”  I strive to avoid sin, not to earn or deserve God’s love, mercy and grace, but because I love Jesus.  I love Jesus because I am continuously overwhelmed by his love! 

God doesn’t want a Debt/Debtor relationship with us but a committed, passionate love affair with us! 

     I have the freedom to trample of the flag of the great country I live in, but I never would because I know the cost that flag represents. 

     I also have the freedom to trample on the grace of God by blatantly disregarding how he desires for me to live.  I have definitely been guilty of that in the past, but as I grow in my understanding of what Grace cost Jesus, I now long to honor that sacrifice! 

A Big Ol Pile of “Should!”

“I don’t go to church as much as I SHOULD!  I don’t pray as much as I SHOULD!  

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking this?  

My question is, Do we ever arrive at this magical land of “SHOULD?”

I was listening to Christian radio recently and heard a song called, “these hands are tired.”  

The writer said that he was writing the song about how he struggles with not reading the Bible as much as he SHOULD!  I think that this song is popular because most Christians can relate to this feeling.  

We go to church like we SHOULD and preachers get out their shovels and load us down with a whole lot of SHOULD!

“We don’t give like we SHOULD!”

“We don’t volunteer like we SHOULD!”

“We don’t love as much as we SHOULD!”

Unfortunately the preacher isn’t the only one.  It seems like everyone else in the church somehow can add up to the SHOULD list.  When you talk to them they SHOULD all over you as well.

We leave the church which God created to be a place of encouragement, more loaded down with guilt, shame, and remorse than which we came in. 

But can anyone please describe to me what this magical land of SHOULD really looks like? 

How much SHOULD we pray? Once a week, every day, 3 hours every day?

How much SHOULD we read our Bible? Every day, 3 chapters every day, Proverbs once a month?

How much SHOULD we give? Pocket change, $20, 10% of our income?

When we think that God is only interested in our performance, we are never sure of our position with him.  We never arrive at this magical place called SHOULD!  We always think that we aren’t adding up and we SHOULD be doing more.

Listen to what Paul wrote to a group of believers in Ephesus: “God saved you by his GRACE when you believed.  And you can’t take credit for this: it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

It sounds to me like Paul is saying that we didn’t BEGIN our relationship with God by doing good things.  So why do we think that we KEEP it by doing good things?

God is unrestrained in his love for you and did everything that had to be done so that we could have RELATIONSHIP with him.  Jesus took our punishment for ALL of our sins.  His motive was LOVE not DUTY!  All God asks in return is for you to believe (aka put your trust in him.)    

When we trust God, we avoid sin, not because we know God will be mad at us, but because we know that it will break his heart and destroy our lives.

We read his word because we want to know his heart, not because we SHOULD.

We pray because we want to talk to God, not because we SHOULD.

The Old Covenant was all about SHOULD.  Jesus died to bring about an entire new paradigm, which isn’t about performance but relationship! 

Was Jesus Stupid?

    "Now that's just stupid!" My dad was reading my family a Bible story about Jesus, when I shouted these words!   As Christians we are taught to have the utmost respect for the teachings of Jesus, but have you ever read or heard something Jesus said or did and disagreed with it? I was about 8 years old the first time this happened to me.
     My dad was reading us the story about when Jesus cursed the fig tree.  If you are not familiar with the story you can read it in Mark 11:12-25.   Jesus was hungry and he walked up to a fig tree but there were no figs on the tree, because it wasn’t the season for figs.  He says “may no one ever eat your fruit again!”  The fig tree then withers up and dies! 

     It was at this point in the story that I shouted "Now that's just stupid!"  This did not receive a positive reaction from my parents.  “How dare you call Jesus, stupid?” My response didn’t really help matters any, “Uh, I’m not calling him stupid, just what he did!” For some reason, my 8 year old brain was more concerned with the poor fig tree than the deeper lesson Jesus was trying to teach his disciples.

     There have been many times that I have had a negative reaction to the words of Jesus.  My next instance was when I heard that he said, “Love your enemies, and if they hit you on the cheek offer them the other one!”  “What, that's just stupid!"  But years later as I watched the movie “The Passion of the Christ,” I watched Jesus live this principle out on a level no other human being ever has.

    Another saying of Jesus, which I have currently had to wrestle with is when he instructed us to “become like little children” to get into the kingdom of heaven.  I have always thought this meant we should have “child-like” faith (aka, naïve.)

     I saw an example of “child-like” faith last night.  I asked my youth group “Why do you believe that the Bible is true?”  I received mostly blank stares until a couple of kids spoke up, “Because the Bible says it’s true!” 

     I quickly tried to show them that their statement was circular reasoning.  But later I realized that this is exactly where my faith started.  I trusted my parents and they said the Bible was true, so I just believed them.  In fact that is where almost all of my information came from when I was little.  My parents said it, so it must be true.

     Upon further examination of what Jesus was trying to teach us in “becoming like little children,” He goes on to say “Anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” 

     The reason why children are teachable is their humility.  They realize they don’t know anything.  On the flip-side of this is the arrogant person who thinks they know everything, they are the ones who are truly stupid! 

     Child-like faith is a great place to start but isn’t where God wants us to stay. Look at Ephesians 4:14 “Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown by every wind of new teaching.  We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.”  

Foot Note: I also don't think that believing the Bible "because the Bible says its true," will suffice. To read about evidence for the truth of the Bible click here: 

The Embarrassing Gospel

or here:

Does It Really Matter If Bible Is True

Does it really matter if the Bible is true or not?

     According to 2011 Gallup poll 3 out of 10 Americans believe that the Bible is the literal word of God, while another 49% of Americans believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God but shouldn’t be taken literally, while another 17% consider the Bible to be an Ancient book of stories recorded by man. 

     This is fascinating to me!  How would you answer this question?  Is the Bible the literal word of God?  Is it the inspired word of God, but shouldn’t be taken literally? Or is it an ancient book of stories recorded by man?  Your answer has massive implications!

If the Bible is the literal word of God. . .    

Jesus said “I have come to give you life in all its fullness.”  His words provide both meaning and purpose for life here and in eternity.  His words have the ability to change our thinking, actions, and ultimately our destiny.    

If the Bible is the inspired word of God but shouldn’t be taken literally. . .

I think this is the most comfortable answer to give.  You show respect for the Bible, but you don’t have to take it “literally.”  Which basically means that you can make the Bible say whatever you want it to say, and you can pick and choose which parts of it you actually want to apply to your life.

If the Bible is an ancient book of stories recorded by man. . .

 It is irrelevant.  Frank Turek says “If no other God exists, then my life is meaningless, as there is no design or purpose for humanity.  I am free to do whatever I want.  If another God exists, then I am subject to His/Her teachings.”

     Let me ask you a very important question, “What evidence would it take for you to believe that this collection of ancient writings that we refer to as the Bible was the literal word of God?”

     What if the Bible predicted future events many years before they actually took place, would that convince you?

     What if archaeological evidence was discovered that proved that the “stories” recorded in the Bible were actual historical events, would that convince you?

     What if there was evidence that who recorded these “stories” were actual eyewitnesses or relaying actual eyewitness accounts, would that convince you?

     What if these eyewitnesses were so convinced of what they saw, that they died excruciating deaths rather than recant what they knew to be true, would that convince you?

     The fact is that each of the premises in these questions are indeed true.  So are you now convinced?

     Finally, if you do believe that the Bible is the literal word of God, what is keeping you from reading it and following its teachings? 

     Do you say that you believe the Bible to be the literal word of God but live like it is actually just a bunch of ancient fairy tales?       

Fuzzy Blue Robe! (Written by Dianne Singleton)

     It was a cold morning, late enough that my oldest brother David was at school.  The kitchen was bright and mother was busy.  She already closed the dishwasher because I had tried to pull out the spoons and forks.  I loved the feeling of their hot metal in my hands my brother Jonny was sitting under the table and mom was trying to answer the phone.   
     The floor was cold and I wanted to be with her.  She is so busy and worried.  The house must be cleaned.  Looking up, I tried to reach the curly cord of the telephone, but she was moving.  I touched her soft blue robe.  Finally, she was still.  
     “Mom I’m here! When will you be done talking? Jonny is here too.” Crawling under her robe we both hung onto her legs.  I looked at him and he looked at me.  We had won!  She would have to stop now and see us.  
     We were on the inside of the big fuzzy robe, and every time she tried to move, our little bodies would slow her down.  “Uh huh, Uh huh, I see.” On she talked and on we held, secure under her robe.  Away from the mess, away from the cold bedrooms, in our secret place.         
     Sometimes as a grown woman I miss feeling the warm covering of the big blue robe, and having someone much bigger and much wiser, that I could at any time reach out with all my heart and hang on to.  Why must faith be the evidence of things unseen and yet hoped for? I know God loves me and yet sometimes I need new eyes to see it.  
     As a grown up, walking out the dreams I had as a child.  Trying to be a mother to my own children.  Trying to work at a job and minister to people.  Sometimes I wish there was some secret place I could go and cuddle close to my father God.  And get a glimpse of who I am in His eyes.  
     What if “being” is more important  than I think?  Looking back at this memory, I have a tinge of guilt.  Knowing I was an even busier and distracted mother than my own.  I wonder what my little ones thought as I stopped what I was doing to look down at their little bodies wrapped around my legs, and in frustration say “No more this just won’t do.”
   I haven’t been very good at just dwelling and just being.  I have been much more comfortable with going and doing.  But something deep down inside seems to be calling out for a secret place. To get away or maybe to just cease to move, stop, and look up.  Catch the breath the Lord has so gracefully given.